just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
