It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
