I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize