You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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