For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
