Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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