ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
