Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
