Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
