i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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