I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
