Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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