I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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