i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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