I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize