take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
