Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
