Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
