I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
