Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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