Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
