Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
