Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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