Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We left the knife in your bed.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
