Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
