I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
