At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
