She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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