a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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