The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
