I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
