he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
