We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
