VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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