why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
