I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
