dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
