i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
