The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
