I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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