also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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