why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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