seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
i out mim tonsoeep
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