I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
