whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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