once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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