Pregnant stripper...not hot.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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