Me. At least after what I've been through.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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