"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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