1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
