Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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