it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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