Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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