no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
