yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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