someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize