Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
