ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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