i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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