did you get engaged???
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
