I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
it was like eating out sand paper
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
