you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
