Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
