Can i not drive my cunt home
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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