He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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