if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
