My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
