What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
