Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Is it because I queefed?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
