tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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