You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
