woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
