just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
