i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
