so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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