If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
