wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
