Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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