Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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