is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Randomize
