you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
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