Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
