Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i would punch a child for taco bell
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
