she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
