maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
