I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I pour the whiskey from now on
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
