they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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