everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
