We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
