Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
