So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
