never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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