Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
