He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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