Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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