I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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